I thought that I remembered the Meshech Chochma writing that women are not commanded in p'ru u'rvu bec. they have a natural desire to have children and don't need the mitzvah for the push. There is a clear contradiction to that approach from the gemara which says that not having children would only be a punishment for him, not for her, since she doesn't care that much (like rashi explains). If her desire to have kids replaces the mitzvah, it should be just as much of a punishment for her as for him.
Actually the Meshech Chochma (Noach 9:7) works perfectly with this gemara. He offers 2 approaches why the Torah didn't command women in this mitzvah:
1. Diracheha Darchei Noam - since pregnancy and childbirth are dangerous for her, it would not be darkei noam for the Torah to obligate her in this mitzvah. But to compensate for this, Hashem built in to her nature a greater desire to have kids. This does not contradict our gemara bec. he is not suggesting that the desire given to woman is parallel to the mitzvah on men, rather just that Hashem partially compensated by giving her more of a nature to want to have kids.
2. Tav L'maisav Tan du - The desire of a woman to be married compensates for this mitzvah. Men would not get married without this mitzvah, but women who desire marriage more, don't need a mitzvah to encourage them to get married. But, he continues that once Hashem instilled in a women the nature of desiring marriage, the torah could not obligate women in this mitzvah. The reason is, if she would be obligated in this mitzvah, it would require her to ask for a divorce from her husband if she didn't have kids after 10 years (since she can't marry 2 husbands), which goes against her nature of her desire to stay married. The Torah never obligates her in something which would be totally against the nature of a person (pretty brilliant if you think about it!).
2 comments:
The gemara on 65b says a different reason that women want children - to have someone to care for her in her old age. Either way, it is a well known fact that women desire children, for whatever reason it may be. Rivkah, Sarah, Chanah, etc are some examples of the pain a childless woman is in - as Rashi says it is חשוב כמת. We have to say , like you do from the Meshech Chochma, that nonetheless, the man's inability to be mekayim the Mitzvah of Pru Urvu is more painful than the childlessness of the wife, and therefore it must be a punishment for the man.
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